“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
According to research human mind builds 25000 to 50000 thoughts in a day, and the discipline of thoughts creates a person’s personality, because as we think one day becomes same. If we think positive, situation would be the same way. Same like as we think negative. Actions obeys thoughts, we do same what we have in minds. When we do rapidity the same it become tradition. We can’t take it out of our life, our habits only defines our personality. If we think positive, our character would be positive and developed positive habits. If we keep looking for the faults of people we build negative character inside. If we need positive change in our role, then we have to start from thinking.
A man asked me, I always thing positive but always wrong thing happens. I told him to evaluate your thoughts, how do you think? For instance a student brought half glass of water for his teacher in front of class and asked the students how much water is in this glass? Some students said that this is half full, others said half empty. This experiment shows, that those students who said, half full they see things positively, others look at things negatively. You will see what you want to see. Image from unsplash Rick Dekker
How cognitive distortions take place
Mind reading distortion – jump to conclusion
Most common distortion is pre “mind reading”. We automatically think that we know what others think. For example if someone had ignored your call. The negative mind reading is, they don’t want to meet you, even they don’t like to around you. It would really cause of cognitive distortion. When you dig deeper, anxiety depression, will attack on your mind that you are no more special.
One of negative mind thought is automatically “prediction”. For example someone think that he cannot win the race and then he loses it. He would say that ‘I had said that I will lose it’. He will have more impact on negative thought on his mind.
Most common reason negative thoughts are “comparison”. Everyone compare himself with others. It becomes easier to compare through social media. Everyone uploads his best pictures. The viewer thinks that he got net dress, new mobile great style things like that. There is a two kind of comparison upward and downward comparison. (Link another article) Depending on the level of someone’s motivation, he may have the tendency to compare himself with others either in an upward or downward kind of comparison.
Another negative thought is self- blaming. Whenever there is a wrong thing happens. You started blaming yourself, this can cause of feel that you are a failure, looser. It might cause of anxiety low self-esteem. A women was talking to a client when she realized she have to leave work and pick up her daughter at school. By the time she left, and stuck in traffic blocked with commuters and she was twenty minutes late. She blamed herself for taking the call, for letting the time slip by, and for not trying to find another route to the school.
4 Tips to change negative thinking
Start your day positive way
When you up late with a thought you woke up late it would be curse on you, things would be bad to you. Whenever you up stand in front of mirror and say to yourself it would be good day to you. You will make things awesome, you will be surprise how much your day better.
Stay with positive people
Surround yourself with good people who know your worth, so whenever wrong things happen they will encourage you with good fortune. They won’t let you lose your patience. If you stay with negative people just don’t be afraid, think they will teach you a lesson that will help you in future.
Learn from failure
No one is perfect in this world. Everyone make mistakes and get experiences through their failure in multiple ways with multiple people. Don’t ever try to focus on your failure just that doesn’t make any sense. Whenever you fail just think about how you fail, think of what mistake that caused you to fail and don’t repeat that mistake over the next.
Focus on present
Whenever you fail just let it be with your experience. Focus on present what you have. Don’t think of what you loosed. Most negative thoughts generates with recent bad things happened exaggerate of a potential future events. Focus of present moment.
Don’t jump to the conclusion
This Jumping to Conclusions distortion observe as the inaccurate belief that we know what another person is thinking. Indeed, it is possible to have an idea of what others thinking, but this distortion refers to the negative interpretations that we jump to. If you wait for a while to see actual results, it may not the same way you imagining. What if you think so, whom you calling may be stuck somewhere else. He may want to be contact you latter.
Definition of leadership
Leadership word comes from the “lead” is a verb which means to lead, captain, guides. There are many different definitions of leadership because leadership needed in various fields. To understand leadership, is a creativity in action. It is ability to see future in term of the past and present situation. The word leadership “lead” according to the Webster dictionary, means “to guide on a way” moreover “leader” is defined as “a person who leads and has commanding authority or influence”. Furthermore, “leadership” is describes as “a person as a leader group, organization, or an institution. The authority or ability to lead others people”. (Kemal M. Surji hawler)
“Leadership is the moral and intellectual ability to visualize and work for what is the best for company and its employs” (Mullins 2001)
“Leadership is the ability to persuade others to seek defined objectives enthusiastically” (john et al. 1987)
“Leadership is influence, nothing more and nothing less” (john C. Maxwell)
“Leadership is the ability to influence motivate, and direct others in order to attain desired objectives”
(Don dan John 1992)
Leadership – qualities of the leader
Kemal M. Surji PhD, RRT, HA
Hawler Medical University, College of Pharmacy
“Leadership” composed of 10 letters, each represents a word that have its own power in the leadership field. The words that characterize the subject are:
L: level – quality of the leader level up the grade of value in group, organization etc.
E: eagerly – Great leader’s quality, used to emphasize a desire to achieve goals
A: asking – Good leader quality, always does consult for advice with colleagues before taking any decision, and listen to them to communicate effectively.
D: Dauntless – quality of the leader, have dauntless courage, he have unwearied energy to achieve targets.
E: empower – quality of the leader is to give responsibilities to people and give support them they need.
R: responsive – qualities of leadership, take responsibility for action.
S: scrutinize – leadership quality, ability to make tough decision and do accounts the results.
H: humility – a humble leader always try to evaluate everyone with humility and makes them to feel they are important and valued.
I: integrity – good qualities in a leader is empower, motivate people with inspiration, honesty and truthfulness.
P: Plan – great leaders have ability of strategic planning. They have alternative solutions when one doesn’t work they don’t get hopeless.
Some following phrases and statements are considered destructive and potentially cause harm to members, colleagues.
- I am your leader don’t mess with me or you be fired
- I wants results not friends
- It’s impossible
- I do know everything
- This is not my fault
When person of authority use these actions, it put adverse effect on central principles of leadership qualities.
According to (John C. Maxwell), different stages, the 5-Ps of leadership, can’t become efficient leader until unless he’s go through these phases.
- Position (Right), the entry level, people follow because they have to.
- Permission (the relationship), the influence level, people follow because they want to.
- Production, result level, people follow because of what the leader has done for organization.
- People development re-production level, people follow because of what the leader has done for them.
Good leader is able to focus their attention on the given task at hand without being deflect. Even when they are extremely busy, they contribute in the process with team members and not give orders from the sideline.
There’s a local restaurant that I love, not only because the food is delicious, but I love how they manage. The owner brings food to his customers, answers the phone calls and everything in between. He even makes sure greeting to every person that comes into his restaurant. That’s an engaged leader!
There is a hell of difference between Passion and profession.
In the profession, leaders may be working under compulsion. Because of compulsion, they could not give attention well. But, if they do their task with passion, it would precisely generate extraordinary result.
You have to be burning with an idea, or a problem, or a wrong that you want to right. If you’re not passionate enough from the start, you’ll never stick it out. – Steve Jobs
Having extraordinary quality of being honest and having strong morals, is an important leadership trait because it will allow others to clearly identify with you. Having faith and honesty in all dealings assures followers of intentions.
Great leaders cause that drives forward with no excuses, negativity holding people back. Give assurance to people who find reasons, it won’t work. Healthy level of self-assurance that gives a practical, impractical sense of faith in leaders
I believe that age doesn’t matter to be a great leader. Age can’t measure of maturity level. I worked with teenage leaders, they act like men. Sometime Youngers act like men and old men act like teenagers. Maturity comes from being courteous, having knowledge, skills, wisdom. Self-confidence and ability to follow through without excuses are strong indicators of maturity.
Social skills does matter. Being a good leader must be friendly, and ability to speak with anyone in a calm respectful and engaging way. Have knowledge of all field, where he currently working, so that no one can cheat.
Public Speaking skills:
Great leaders have ability to communicate anyone at any place rather in crowds or in small group. They don’t scared of issues with speaking in front of anyone. This is not only important for able to deliver message across clearly, also would get credit as a leader.
Good leader quality, always does consult for advice with colleagues before taking important decisions, and listen to them to communicate effectively. Being silent is not solution of all matters. Asking questions and listen carefully can boost up confidence of colleagues. So, that they can participate actively and perform in good manner.
Great leader have curious mind. They have ability to know things with different angles, 5 W’s and how. I wrote article about curiosity, critical thinking and creative thinking.
Critical thinking presents what, why and how
Creative thinking presents what if, why not
Great leaders have critical mind, while there is a problem there is a critical thoughts to solve that through past experience and the sense, evaluating, analyzing, gathering information from, observation, experience, reflection, reasoning, or communication.
Great leaders have the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules and patterns and to create meaningful new ideas. Learn new things and practice open mind by continuous exercises for instance, what if, why not, how to. Extract and produce something from nothing.
Great leaders follow strict rules to keep them consistent. As everyone knows practice makes perfect. Leader’s consistency leads others to be regular in their routine matters.
Great leaders not only leads top performing colleagues but, also coach It’s one thing to identify your top performing employees, but you also push forward lower performer, and try to give them better direction to meet their targets.
I went to the local market to by something but, I saw there was a woman with her child. Child as insisting her mother to get chocolate. Her mother said ok go ahead. There was too much option, and kid couldn’t decide which one choose. Time was running out, her mother gave him 10 seconds to choose one. The kid got one in 10 seconds but, while they were returning towards vehicle kid was not satisfy with his decision. What I am trying to say is, to make best decision within time frame, leaders think carefully each option while approaching the right decision. So, that they wouldn’t regret later.
Do not scared of mistake-risk
Leaders doesn’t think like failure is not option. Failure is a step towards success it give life’s biggest learning opportunities. Failure is a part of life, if you don’t fail you would never learn, if you wouldn’t learn, you would never change. People can learn change and move on.
I have not failed. I have just found 10000 ways that won’t work. (Thomas Edison)
In order to think two steps ahead, leaders need to develop a long-term mindset, using research to make good decisions and take time to reflect on decisions.When they planned for the long-term, called “vision” and then starts small actionable steps towards bigger picture they have in mind.
Confidence is a fragile thing. It is a feel of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and perceptions. Confidence is important to your health and psychological well-being. Being Confident can help you become successful in your personal and professional life. It will help you to achieve your goals
When you believe in yourself, you will explore more things in different dimensions. For instance when I was studying business administration. My result was very low, I was fired by the university’s management, saying that you are not qualified. It was four year degree program and I already spent 2 years. I was really shocked to hear. I didn’t tell anyone in my family, so I start looking for another university to transfer my credit hours but, another there was a problem that no one picked me up. So I was literally hopeless and scared to tell anyone because I had already dreadful back ground regarding my study. I had already repeated 9 subject, four time in high school. Moreover I repeated 1 and 4th class two time. Getting long story short, at certain stage used to think that I was the dullest learner ever. So, I found a university where I started from beginning it was 2 year program. I was confident that I can do it. Still I am dull, but all I know, is I can do anything. Nothing is impossible but you need to focus. I just didn’t stop learning after MBA. I got three year training program of self-development, personality development, value development and career couching. Furthermore I heard about edx. Where I did social psychology, critical thinking and problem solving. It just cause of confidence inside me.
A person pretends that he have confidence inside him. People would feel like they have confidence inside. For instance today is your particle and external will come to take viva? If you haven’t read any special through the year. You will not able to get through it. Let suppose there is a recruiting in campus selection, if you show any confidence, but you don’t have a subject knowledge then your selection will not be approve. Because of this, you are showing confidence more the subject knowledge. It is called over confidence. It will not help you anymore.
Ways to improve confidence
Lack of knowledge
Let’s start with an example. Two men are siting, taking about marketing. Third person is only listening to them he got no awareness about what is digital marketing. He precisely would not interfere because of no knowledge about digital marketing. If one of them try to ask third person to give them suggestions. He would obviously loose his confidence, will think that if, he speaks he don’t know, what they talking about, it will be his embarrassment. But if he knows, will tell them and also would give advice to them with no hesitation. He would never think of confidence whether he have or not. Let’s make it easier to understand, knowledge is directly proportional to confidence. Where knowledge increases confidence also increases and vice versa.
While performing a certain physical activity, suppose riding a bike over again and again your brain automatically signals your muscles to do whatever that activity requires keeping you balanced on the seat, for instance your thoughts and feelings actually work in the same way. The discipline of thoughts creates a person’s personality, because as we think one day becomes same. If we think positive, situation would be the same way. Same like as we think negative. Actions obeys thoughts, we do same what we have in minds. When we do rapidity the same it became habit. We can’t take it out of our life and our habits only defines our personality. If we think positive, our character would be positive and developed positive habits. If we keep looking for the faults of people we build negative character inside. If we need positive change in our role, then we have to start from thinking. If you think that you can’t not give presentation then you will never do it. Somehow you stand, while presentation, your mind will again pin this thing that you can’t do it. This would cause of your lose your confidence.
Loss of interest
One of the cause of losing confidence is lack of interest. As per as I know when someone has no interest to get something. I am not actually interested in politics it dump to me. When some where somebody talking about politics I avoid that to hear. I even have to listen, I use to avoid talk cause of no interest. It makes me always nervous. A couple of month before I use strategy to improve my confidence and it proves useful to me. I take out some hot news and whenever I sit near such people, put those news in front of them and ask their opinion. It makes me feel like I am interested in it somehow.
Experiences –bad decision
Previous bad experiences another cause a drop of confidence. We all have bad experiences somehow, when we try to start something new, productive. Bad experiences stand on front of our work and try to push back and there is negative thought coming thought past that remember last time we tried it, make us embarrassed, we couldn’t successeded at. This time again it looks like we won’t. Such kind of thoughts doesn’t let your confidentiality go forward. When such situations arise, just think of Thomas Edison. If he had thought so, then we would not have light today.
Don’t be afraid – afraid of asking
Pride and prejudice
The fear of asking losing confidence and when does it happens, when we are proud, know everything Einstein says, “Ego inversely proportional to knowledge.” When ego increases knowledge decreases and vice versa. Know question is, how to get rid of fear and boost confidence? One of the best way is, let go of pride and ask questions. When you ask question, first you will agree that you don’t know. It would be first attack on your ego. When you go for asking, it would another attack. When he will tell, you will assume that he told it right, it would be 3rd. the more you push the falling wall the more ego will fall. The more you ask would more increase in knowledge. Pride person will never ask a question, he pretends like he knows everything. Let suppose consider a half glass of water as a half knowledge. You will consider that half of knowledge you need it, will be first attack on ego. If you consider that your glass is full you will never can get more water to enhance your knowledge.
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Photo by Josie Stephens on pixels
Photo by geralt
Divergent vs convergent thinking
Can you think out of box? If you ever said to “yourself why didn’t I think of that before”? Have you ever tried hard in coming up with a creative solution, and ending up saying “why didn’t I think of that? No worries here is a solution. Traditionally, we are not taught to think laterally. You are just two steps away from changing the way you think.
Thinking moves away from the core subject and get all possible outputs. Richard Fry, Brigham Young University Divergence can be defined by the ability to “generate many, or more complex or complicated, ideas from one idea or from simple ideas or triggers”. It is aimed at “‘discovering’ problems and looking for solutions by means of branching out, making unexpected associations, applying the known in unusual ways, seeing unexpected implications”
Divergent thinking is one of the stereotypes of creativity as a whole. In order to become “creative”, emphasis is placed on a person developing and adopting a more divergent process and developing personal characteristics such as openness, tolerance for ambiguity, and willingness to take risks. The additional characteristics of curiosity, courage of ones convictions, openness, flexibility, and nonconformity are also seen as being fundamental to creativity.
We are the creature of our habits. Thinking in the same way as we thought the previous day! Mathematician express himself with equation, artist express himself with picture, engineer with his models. Let’s see how we actually think and take decision? Let suppose left side of brain, belief b1 b2. Other side of brain evidence e1 e2 e3. If we compare both side belief and evidence. B1 refers to e1, b2 refers to e2. Naturally tendency while we think or make decision is to gather only evidence that supports our existing beliefs and reject evidence that conflicts our beliefs. In this case if a problem has 3 evidence. We tend to pic only e1 e2 based on belief b1 b2 and reject e3 even though e3 is the right solution. Shown in a figure
Divergent thinking pattern
List all assumptions that applies to the problem. Deliberate and try and break the assumption
Ask more of basic questions in order to challenge the assumptions.
Ask what if question “What if I” “why not”
Think out of box and restate the problem in a completely different expressions.
Think visually, Fantasy
Thinking helps to get to the right output by focusing rapidly on target and narrow down our option. Richard Fry, Brigham Young University Convergence is commonly defined as “the ability to use logical and evaluative thinking to critique and narrow ideas to ones best suited for given situations, or set criteria.” 6 It is focused on finding the “single, best, ‘correct’ answer to a standard problem in the shortest time.”7 It emphasizes the personal characteristics of speed, accuracy, logic, and focuses on accumulating information, recognizing the familiar, reapplying set techniques, and preserving the already known.8
When asked “What does an engineer do?” one company web-site stated “engineers find solutions.” 9 They then provided a list of problems that an engineer finds answers to. This list included:
- How can we make a glass building stand 1,776 feet tall?
- How can we make a cell phone take a picture?
These are very well defined problems that can be solved through a predominantly convergent process. Convergence is at the core of the engineering process.